CEREMONIES OF LIFE

a.

A ring being placed on the finger of the young lady. She must be thankful and grateful for this special day in her life.

 

b.

         The delegation brought five gifts with them. In return it's  seven pieces for them to take home.

THERE ARE CEREMONIES. A GALORE OF THEM. STATE AND NATIONAL CEREMONIES ARE NO EXCEPTION.

But through out our live ceremonies hemmed in too never sparing their calling and demand. Yet many a time we forget about them because they are not official yet they contribute to be part of our well being, development and maturity dictating our culture and beliefs. You may have just celebrated a birthday, maybe your own or your darling's wife or your daughter's.It is a simple case of reminding that they have added another notches in their life's and a fervent wish for many happier occasions to come. No elaborate planning at all.

When you help to orchestrate such celebration then you may realize their significance and their enduring attachments to our live circles. Last Sunday I was asked to help in a ceremony that saw the enjoining of two souls that simply marked their new adventure in live. "Majlis Perjodohan dan Pertunangan" you may call it. It's an engagement do yet rich in its ways, simple and can be complicated if handled amiss. No it is not simply the giving of a ring to the girl of his choice but the attendance of representatives from the lad's family to the girl's house or in this case at our home. At a prearranged time they arrived. The space between 'Zohor' and 'Asar' would be a good choice. All were welcomed and invited in. Pak Cik, Mak Cik, Abang and Kakak 'bersalaman' greeting each other in our best traditions. 

The living room is spacious enough to allow the guests and the hosts to sit down on the carpeted floor. The living room furniture has been put aside otherwise hindrances to such occasions or when congregations met for prayer and 'doa' at home. The room now gave a voluminous feel void of the decorative furniture. Being the host  and representative I greeted all in the customary tradition thanking all for their attendance and visitation.

The delegation too had brought with them several trays with 'gifts' for the occasion including the indomitable 'bekas sirih' ( betel leaves container). These were placed in the middle of the room. Tact and humour thrown in I mentioned that not often that we had visitors like this at home. "It is pleasant and great of course but why the trays and their contents? " Pak Hj Ayob a man of experience and equally my age too took the mike that was handed to him, recited some 'surah' and graciously thanked us for the friendly welcome. He conveyed 'salam' from the families at Padang Serai Pokok Sena where they came from and expressed their true intentions. The mike helped to define what were said and helped to focus the attendees attentions. A stage known as "meresik" or seeking to know if the flower in the garden has been plucked yet has not become necessary as the visitors have been consented to approach. And so they did today in respect of an engagement for the 'dara' and 'teruna', the former being my niece and subsequent arrangements if there is agreement or consent. The gifts they brought along included a ring symbolic of acceptance. Simplicity reigned as the issue has no doubt been acknowledged earlier. Only the verbal consent by me as spoke person would seal the agreement. Only then we moved further to the next stages.

"Syukur" and "Alhamdullilah" expressed. That done, now come to declaring the "mas kahwin", "belanja kahwin" and other "hantaran" or gifts on the part of the would be bridegroom on the wedding day. The first two items are necessary while the the gifts are left to discretion. Necessarily a piece of ring, gold and diamond is an added request. As spokes person I mentioned the request as earlier conveyed to me by the parents of the would be bride. The request was accepted. Imagine if the demand is high and the representation could not decide promptly. Anyway when it comes to such issue I suppose discretion takes its direction. Face value is at the forefront. Negotiation at its simplest order could be said to be the procedure then. All went smoothly. Yet I have seen proceedings that lasted longer than it should just because too many questions were asked and no answers given. 

This is one ceremony. A very important one at that. It marks an extraordinary stage in the life of a young man and a young woman. It meant that two persons have found love and blessed with their parents acceptance and commitment they would soon embark on a life of their own. They would leave their families, away from the confine and control of their parents to start a life and family of their own. Maturity and independence meet them soon. In the meantime officially engaged both the 'teruna' and 'dara' have to prepare for their up-coming marriage day with compulsory attendance at a marriage course plus other necessary duties. For sure they are reminded to uphold religious obligations and traditional decorum at all time.  

The gathering is not over yet. "Majlis menyarong cincin akan menyusuli". It was time for the young woman, the subject of this story to be sited amongst the gathering and the engagement ring to be placed on her finger. The honor is given to the mother of the bridegroom to be. She approached the young woman and lovingly placed a ring on the 'jari manis' of the left hand of Wan Nursyazwani bt Megat Nasir, her would be daughter-in-law.

Thus she and her family together with Megat Mohd Nasir and wiife would meet again to decide on the dates for the marriage ceremonies. Dates? It has to be at least two separate timing; one for the bride's side and another for the bridegroom.

The delegation left after a light refreshment. All were pleased with the outcome. Significantly it assures friendship and cordiality between people who were strangers only an hour or two ago. Personally I feel happy too to have helped and gained an experience not often offered to many persons.   

Looking back, there are many treasured moments that we experienced yet many escaped our attentions either because we were too young or since they were organised on our favour less our own involvement or commitments. The very day we were born is exemplary. Photos and videos now help to reminisce. Next perhaps our first day in school. Had our parents to stay back till the school break off at noon? How were we dressed and what of our first visitation to the school canteen? Majlis Berkhatan or circumcision is another with the added naughtiness and old traditions. Our acquirement of the first job, our marriage ceremonies etc all saw the involvement of our parents. They have been all along behind us assisting in no small way till we leave their homes to be on our own. Still the linkages continue with some unknowingly getting assistance even though their parents have aged. Yes ceremonies will continue till the last one. All along it has been with assistance of others: families, neighbors and friends.

I am reminded that many have helped me in seeing through the ceremonies of my life. Thank you. The least you could do in the seniority of age is to assist where and when it is due. Our definitions and commitments would help in circumstances where traditions seems unconcerning and forgotten. One last ceremony however, will not see you there helping out. Trusting only  others come forward.             

c

"Selamat Datang" Now don't we have a duty to perform this afternoon?Pak Hj Ayob now I leave it to you to say your pieces. We don't have scripts to read but it is intereting how things develop.

d

Tuan Hj Ayob representing the male side explaining his side of the story and the occasion can be pleasant as well as characteristic of our  tradition. Notice the five pieces of gifts that came together with the visitors.The betel leaf container takes the main position.  

IN PRAISE OF SHAWAL AND ALL THAT COMES WITH IT

Toddlers and young children especially in all their innocence have a grand time during festive seasons. Hari Raya Aidilfitri is no exception. More so it must be the most celebrated occasion in the Muslim year. Even adults may look back and fondly remember the youthful exuberance of welcoming the evening of Shawal with the dins of crackers and bamboo-cannons, intermixing with verses of the 'takbir' from the mosque and the radio/TV schedules in the background. Mothers, sisters or the women folks in the family busied themselves in the kitchen racing to finish the varied dishes and savouries which would grace the dining tables early on the first day of Aidilfitri. Earlier the 'jemaah' at the mosque after the Isyak prayer had melancholy said good bye to Ramadan after devoting themselves throughout the holy month . Suddenly the evenings took a change from the previous month's nights of Ramadan. It was not a release from having to fast in the day time, because everyone adhered to the rule but it was obligatory that we celebrate the first of Shawal. The day after and the subsequent five days Muslims may fast as continuance and celebrating 'Raya' puasa enam' on the seventh day of Shawal.

Celebrations follow in many forms. The exodus of 'balik kampong' capped it all. Sons and daughters make a point to return home to the family roots. Those with wives and husbands naturally have to transport their retinues. Airline, railway and express bus tickets were grabbed month ahead. Extra leaves were requested beside the extensive four or five days closure of offices and establishments. It was returning home of a special kind: to enjoy the special atmosphere and exuberance that comes once a year, to be in contact with all relatives near and far, friends and classmates and admittedly to touch ground and taste home cooking. Wedding celebrations are held during the week with the expectation of a larger attendance especially of relatives. Attendance at functions during the festive week took a grandeur scenario when all came in their finer attires, typically in traditional dresses in hues of colors. The quiet home at all time, inhibited by two loving couples suddenly awoke to laughter, merriment and joyfulness as all shared the treasures it held all the while. All rooms and spaces were occupied: sleeping on the floor and hitting the hay stack hours after midnight chatting over old tales came naturally as that was how it began earlier. Pillows and mattresses suddenly came out of no where to cater to the needs. It was a sin and uncalled for should family members resorted to check into hotel rooms in town. In reference to the many foreign workers in the country, they too made the annual home visit in preference to this auspicious day. The Indonesian being closer made a beeline to their nearest ports of call.

The Aidilfitri prayer at the local mosques attended by all: men, women, boys, girls, parents and their siblings turned to be a large gathering after it was over. Everyone met each other offering greetings, affections and forgiveness. Many then walked beyond the gates of the mosque to visit and offer prayers at the graves of their love ones, rekindling loves and affections to the departed. Alfatihah.

Back at homes, sons and daughters kissed their parents, asking forgiveness and likewise parents too. Son and daughters- in- laws followed with grand-children each and every one in that brief moment realizing filial piety . Soon it became a never - ending queue as others visited the home and meeting in like manner too. Children received 'raya' envelopes containing 'ringgit' as token of goodwill on this occasion. The more adventurous of them made a beeline to the neighbors' homes collecting their dues and planning to purchase the best of gifts with their new found wealth. Some among them would intimate to proceed to the nearest cinema hall and of course to view the latest of the shows aptly put up for the day.

For this auspicious day, we had all our five siblings ( sons and daughters) at home on the first three days. With their spouses and children it grew to two dozen and expectancy grew with the arrival of three sisters and a brother along with spouses and their own productions. Not counting the home crowd and relatives, it was a feast to cater to all. Preparations had been made to provide for eventualities such as this and the self -service counter at the corner of the house helped greatly. No doubt 'ketupat', 'rendang', 'nasi Mansor' ( from a local restauranteur) with the inevitable 'dalca' and 'ayam masak rose' were pullers. Added to that a fresh addition of 'laksa siam' with its aromatic 'curry or 'kuah' kept all in good mood.

The festive atmosphere however had to bow down to reopening of work schedules and schooling. Slowly but definitely the visitors had to start packing, loading their unwashed clothing, piling one another into the Nissan, Proton, Isuzu, Honda vehicles that carted all of them here, contented and happy for a break that promised goodwill and family indulgences. Never mind the long queue of vehicles on the return journey. The children would for sure be quieter on the return leg, having frolicked all the days. Goodbyes with kisses and and deep embraces accompanied all that had come home to root. Next year's Aidilfitri would see them again. 'Balik Kampong ' will be a sure fire anecdotes to home grown family gathering solemnized by the ending of Ramadan and the resonance of 'takbir' that play on your deeper emotions.

Yes he is just as happy as the rest discovering new avenues and learning experiences. He will continue to appreciate the 'balik kampong' scenario and will insist for a return sooner than you think.

The lights of 'Shawal' , the characteristic homely atmosphere helped to pull the family home. The frolics of youth haunt many to feel the atmosphere again however distance they may be,

Shoes off. Left at the foot of the staircase. Their owners in the house sobering the early delights of Shawal and conscious that the children awaited for them for fireworks and crackers to din the nights at least

Casual and relax maybe after the day's meeting with members of the family. Now a time to sit down and give thoughts to family identity and future well being.

A family photo at the 'rumah kayu' / 'rumah seni Melayu' that welcome all and look forward to see many more occasions like this